Kabbalah Q&A

Welcome to Kabbalah Q&A. Since I have been asked many questions about Kabbalah throughout this blogging journey, I thought I would try to answer some of the most basic questions here.

WHO SHOULD STUDY?

Traditionally, the study of Kabbalah in Judaism was reserved for Jewish men over the age of 40. Aside from the cultural and patriarchal issues involved in this stance, these constructs represented the belief within the tradition that the study of these mystical teachings required a high level of maturity, and extensive knowledge and training within the other, more exoteric teachings of the tradition (Torah and Talmud). The age of 40 also has a mystical meaning to it as well; 40 is the total number of the 10 Sefirah or branches of the Tree of Life, manifesting through the Four Worlds of Creation (see below).

My own belief is that these traditional conditions for the study of Kabbalah still hold true on a symbolic and/or archetypal level: For me, being Jewish means to be a devoted seeker of the Divine Oneness; since it is believed that the Divine Presence (Shekhinah) is a feminine energy, those who study Kabbalah should symbolically hold the masculine stance towards this presence in order to attain union with it; and one must be psychologically healthy, emotionally mature, and have some knowledge of the tradition before entering into the experiential mystical practices of Kabbalah.

There are also those who say that it is dangerous to study the Kabbalah if these traditional conditions are not met, and once again, I would agree on a more symbolic/archetypal level: It is my belief that any advanced psycho-spiritual practice like that of the Kabbalah, can be dangerous for those not prepared to loosen the perceptual bounds of the traditional constructs of both personal and consensual reality.

WHAT IS THE HISTORY OF THE KABBALISTIC MATERIAL?

In my view, there are three major theories about the origin of the Kabbalah: One theory holds that the teachings that would one day become the Kabbalah were communicated to Abraham and passed down from one generation to the next through an ever-expanding oral tradition; Another theory holds that the Kabbalah was transmitted to Moses at the same time that he was given the Torah and the other Oral Teachings that would eventually become the Talmud, or the codified Jewish Law; and still another theory holds that the teachings of Kabbalah were developed by Judaic mystics after the first millennium CE.

It is my understanding that there is historic evidence for the existence of Kabbalistic teachings dating back to the early Talmudic period (74 CE). Many Kabbalists and Biblical historians also point to hints of Kabbalistic teachings and practices in the writings of the Prophets, and within the Torah itself.

My own belief is that all three theories are true on some level; that the teachings of the Kabbalah slowly developed over the span of Judaic history, first beginning as simple mystical understandings and practices, then developing into more and more complex system of oral teachings and spiritual exercises, and finally becoming a codified and written tradition.

WHAT ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT KABBALISTIC SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT AND PRACTICE?

There are many different schools of Kabbalistic thought and practice both within and outside of Judaism. Within Judaism, there are many different systems of Kabbalah related to the different mystics who codified the teachings and practices to fit their particular mystical approach; these include the Kabbalistic teachings and systems of Moses Cordovero, Isaac Luria, Moses Luzzatto, Rabbi Simeon bar Yohai, Abraham Abulafia, and the Baal Shem Tov. There are also more recent permutations within the tradition, including more pop culture oriented movements like that of The Rav and the Kabbalah Center.

There are also many systems of Kabbalah (Cabala, Cabbala, or Qabalah) outside of Judaism, including Hermetic traditions like that of the Order of the Golden Dawn, along with various other Alchemic and esoteric traditions. Many of these teachings come from a long list of non-Judaic mystics and spiritualists including Franz Bardon, Madame Blavatsky, Aleister Crowley, A. E. Waite, Israel Regardie, and Paul Foster Case.

Kabbalah has also influenced and been influenced by other mystical systems; one can find Kabbalistic signs on most Tarot decks, and many see traces of neo-Aristotelian and Neo-Platonic thought within the teachings of Judaic and non-Judaic systems of Kabbalah.

My personal position on all these different schools and influences is...that it is all God in Drag (as Ram Dass likes to say). It is my belief that each method speaks to different people, and/or speaks to each of us at different times and phases of our journey. There is a poem I often like to remember when I am asked to comment on what I think of all these different and often seemingly divergent mystical paths...it says: “Oh Stream of Life, Run Ye Slow, or Run Ye Fast, All Streams Reach the Sea at Last.” So for me, if a path speaks to me, then I take it; and if that path stops speaking to me and another path calls me, then I take that one; because in my heart and mind I feel a single great river running through all these streams, all rushing towards that wondrous mystical ocean of oneness.

WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BASIC CONCEPTS IN KABBALAH?

While Kabbalah is a very complex system with a vast cosmology, I believe there are some basic concepts common to most, if not all, of the different Kabbalistic traditions. My perception of these basic concepts includes the idea of a formless, nameless Source of existence (EIN SOF); the emergence of the energy of that source through a process of emanation, creation, formation, and manifestation (THE FOUR WORLDS); the movement of this energy through the different worlds is channeled through a mystical structure (THE TREE OF LIFE) with numerous pathways (32 PATHS) and ten main branches or hubs (THE TEN SEFIROT).

These are just a few of the basic concepts of the tradition, and each of them is merely a tiny spark on the edge of a vast mystical universe of teachings and practices.

FURTHER RESOURCES:

Here are some resources for further exploration of the vast mystical universe of the teachings and practices of the Judaic Kabbalah, which is the form of Kabbalah I am personally drawn to.

Some Classic Books of the Judaic Kabbalah Tradition

Sefer Yetzirah: The Book of Creation. Translated by Aryeh Kaplan. York Beach, ME: Samuel Weiser.

Sefer Bahir. Translated by Aryeh Kaplan. York Beach, ME: Samuel Weiser.

The Zohar. Translated by Harry Sperling and Maurice Simon. New York: The Soncino Press.

Derech HaShem: The Way of God by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto. Translated by Aryeh Kaplan. Jerusalem: Feldheim Publishers.

Da’ath Tevunoth, The Knowing Heart: The Philosophy of God’s Oneness by Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto. Translated by Shraga Silverstein. Jerusalem: Feldheim Publishers.

Sha’arey Orah: Gates of Light by Rabbi Joseph Gikatilla. Translated by Avi Weinstein. New York: HarperCollins Publishers.

Some Modern Books About Judaic Kabbalah

Daniel C. Matt. The Essential Kabbalah: The Heart of Jewish Mysticism. New York: Harper-Collins Publishers, 1995.

Perle Epstein. Kabbalah: The Way of the Jewish Mystic. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1978.

Z'ev ben Shimon Halevi (Warren Kenton). Kabbalah: Tradition of Hidden Knowledge. New York: Thames and Hudson, 1979.

Z'ev ben Shimon Halevi (Warren Kenton). Kabbalah and Exodus. York Beach, ME: Samuel Weiser, 1980

Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan. Meditation and Kabbalah. York Beach, ME: Samuel Weiser, 1982.

Rabbi Arthur Green. Seek My Face, Speak My Name. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson, 1992.

Rabbi David A. Cooper. God is a Verb: Kabbalah and the Practice of Mystical Judaism. New York: Riverhead Books, 1997.

Rabbi Shoni Labowitz. Miraculous Living: A Guided Journey in Kabbalah through the Ten Gates of the Tree of Life. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1996.

Rabbi Steven A. Fisdel. The Practice of Kabbalah: Meditation in Judaism. Northvale, NJ: Jason Aronson, 1996.

Dr. Philip S. Berg. Kabbalah for the Layman. Jerusalem, Israel: Research Centre of Kabbalah, 1981.

*Originally published on KabbalahBlog hosted by Enlightenment.com

Seeking Peace

My heart has wept many times over the last few years over the seemingly endless and violent conflicts between some of the worlds religious traditions and cultures. Like so many others, I have yearned to find a way to help bring about peace between the faiths. From this place of deep yearning, I began developing an interfaith daily practice to see if I could personally find and affirm an energetic harmony between the traditions. To my amazement the practices of the different faiths that I was exploring merged into one long beautiful sacred dance of movement, meditation, contemplation, chanting, and visualization. As part of this sacred dance I was guided to look up the words for peace in different languages and was further moved to develop an Interfaith and Integral Spirituality iPeace Mantra which I now perform several times a day.

This iPeace Mantra that emerged from my practice is a compilation of eight words for PEACE from eight different languages used to represent the eight major streams of world religions: Primal Traditions, Paganism, Hinduism, Judaism, Taoism, Buddhism, Christianity and Islam. The words are arranged in the chronological/historical order of the emergence of each of these faiths. The purpose and intent of this mantra is to nurture and amplify personal and collective peace.

___________________


The eight words of the iPeace Mantra are:

Sipala Sith Shanti Shalom T'ai Sidi Pax Salaam.

Sipala is the Hopi word for peace and represents the Primal Traditions (Shamanic , Aboriginal, etc).

Sith is the Gaelic word for peace and represents the Pagan Traditions (Goddess, Druid, Celtic, Wicca , Greek, etc.).

Shanti is the Hindi word for peace and represents the Hindu and Sikh traditions.

Shalom is the Hebrew word for peace and represents the Judaic and Kabbalistic traditions.

T’ai is a Chinese word for peace and represents the Taoist and Confucian traditions.

Sidi is the Tibetan word for peace and represents the Buddhist tradition.

Pax is the Latin word for peace and represents Christianity .

Salaam is the Aramaic word for peace and represents Islam and Sufism.

___________________

As part of this practice, I also developed the above iPeace Mandala with the words of the iPeace Mantra and symbols from each tradition set within a mandala pattern created by a dear friend of mine, artist Maja Apolonia Rode.

The iPeace Mantra and Mandala can be found at the iPeace Project web page.

The Ten Lessons

One of the most difficult elements of the Passover story for me has always been the ten plagues. As a child I was terrified at the description of a God who would administer such suffering. As I studied the mystical interpretations of these events I found a deeper meaning that has helped me hold these archetypal elements in a way that brings me closer to spirit.

The world was created with ten Divine statements.
The ten statements of creation brought the world into being
in a manner in which the energy of spirit
that maintains its existence
was hidden.
The ten plagues were actually ten lessons
that sought to break through
the veils of concealment
and allow for
the revelation
of that
Divine power
to enter our consciousness
through the giving of
the Ten Commandments,
the Ten Precepts.
-Rabbi Yehudah Arieh Leib of Gur.

According to this mystical interpretation, each lesson or plague shattered an illusion of human power over nature and of the powers of idolized gods, thus revealing that there was a single Divine force at work in the world. Once all ten lessons occurred, the human ego (Pharaoh) surrendered its control to the higher Self (Moses) and the rest of the human psyche (the children of Israel) so that the mind and heart of each person who was to receive the Ten Precepts would be open to receiving them.

This process was created by the Divine to establish a profound experience for humanity to aid in the awakening of the Divine self within all beings. It was a symbolic and a literal example of Divine principles at work within the individual, collective, and unitive heart and mind. To this end, the Divine led the children of Israel, the Awakening Self, into the land of bondage/narrowness (Egypt/Mitzrayim) with the intention of freeing them by means of the Ten Lessons.

And the Divine “…hardened Pharaoh’s heart in order to have the opportunity to display many miraculous signs and wonders in the land of narrowness;” (Exodus 7:3) proving the existence of the one true Source of Life and shattering the belief in false gods and human powers.

These are the Ten Lessons
that the Divine
brought upon the land of Mitzrayim, 

the consciousness of narrowness;
each lesson revealing
a Divine aspect
of creation:

Lesson/Plague (Hebrew)	Lesson/Plague (English)	Represented Divine Aspects of Creation
Dom	Blood	All sustenance comes from the Divine
Tzifardeyah	Frogs	All support comes from the Divine
Keenim	Lice	All integrity comes from the Divine
Arov	Wild Beasts	All endurance comes from the Divine
Dever	Pestilence	All beauty comes from the Divine
Shicheen	Boils	All justice comes from the Divine
Barahd	Hail	All mercy comes from the Divine
Arbeh	Locusts	All understanding comes from the Divine
Choshech	Darkness	All wisdom comes from the Divine
Makat Bichorot	Death of Firstborn	All life and death comes from the Divine

REFERENCES

Buber, M. (1947). Ten Rungs. New York: Citadel Press.

Kaplan, M. A. (2003). A Mystical Passover: A Transformational Passover Haggadah. Pacific Grove, CA: Original Gravity.

Touger, E. (1988). The Chassidic Haggadah. New York: Moznaim Publishing.

*Image: The Ten Plagues

*Originally published on KabbalahBlog hosted by Enlightenment.com

Season of Liberation

The Jewish holiday of Passover (Pesach) is approaching. As part of my personal journey of healing, studies, and return to the Judaic path, I have explored the meaning, purpose, and practices of this important holiday through a process of spiritual exegesis. This process consisted of a radical interpretation of the Passover rituals and prayers into a language and process that resonated with my own heart while also attempting to honor the heart of Judaism itself. Through this technique I endeavored to heal old wounds and purge myself of the obstacles between the Divine and myself in relation to this important Judaic ritual of liberation.

There are three basic levels of text interpretation in the Jewish tradition: Literal-Biblical, Theoretical-Talmudic, and Mystical-Kabbalistic (Fishbane, 1998; Kenton, 1980). Literal-Biblical text interpretation includes the historical, biblical and narrative levels of the material. Theoretical-Talmudic text interpretation consists of the extrapolation of the philosophical, ethical, moral and religious doctrines, laws and teachings that are woven into the fabric of the written material. Mystical-Kabbalistic text interpretation seeks to unearth the hidden and concealed metaphysical teachings buried in the text.

On the literal level of interpretation, Passover is a ritualistic retelling of the story of a historical biblical event, the Israelites’ liberation from bondage in Egypt. On the theoretical level, the story and rituals of Passover have many philosophical, ethical, moral and religious lessons to teach us about human behavior and the human endeavor to live according to the teachings of the religion of Judaism. Traditionally, the rituals of Passover, including the Passover Seder, tend to focus on these two levels of interpretation and understanding.

In the Jewish mystical tradition, Passover can also be seen as a powerful vehicle for personal and communal psycho-spiritual development. From the Mystical-Kabbalistic perspective, the Passover story of a people being freed from the bondage of slavery is transformed into a road map for how an individual can be freed from the bondage of limited consciousness (Kenton, 1980); the land of Egypt becomes the realm of narrowness of body and mind, and Moses becomes the Higher Self being called upon by the Divine to free all the different voices of the psyche (the children of Israel, the Awakening Self) from the bondage of the ego (Pharaoh).

This mystical level of interpretation became my pathway through the metaphysical gates of these ancient and sacred rites of inner and outer freedom, leading me to the discovery a personally transformative psycho-spiritual Passover experience. The final product of this endeavor was the creation of a Mystical Passover handbook or Haggadah (Kaplan, 2003) which I now use ever year at this time.

REFERENCES

Fishbane, M. (1998). The Exegetical Imagination: On Jewish Thought and Theology. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Kaplan, M. A. (2003). A Mystical Passover: A Transformational Passover Haggadah. Pacific Grove, CA: Original Gravity.

Kenton, W. (1980). Kabbalah and Exodus. York Beach, ME: Samuel Weiser, Inc.

*Image: Mystical Sedar Plate revealing the inner dimensions of the physical symbols.

*Originally published on KabbalahBlog hosted by Enlightenment.com

Transpersonal Dimensions of the Cinema

Announcing the publication of…

Transpersonal Dimensions of the Cinema

By Mark Allan Kaplan, Ph.D.

ABSTRACT: Transpersonal dimensions of the cinematic art form are explored, including transpersonal elements inherent in the nature of the cinematic medium; transpersonal influences on cinematic content, structure, and style; and potential transpersonal effects of the cinematic experience. A preliminary classification of transpersonal cinematic effects indicates potential synchronization effects between constructed cinematic reality and various aspects of creator/viewer realities. Personal filmmaker observations and a review of theoretical, empirical, anecdotal, and historical sources suggests that the transpersonal or boundary-transcending nature and capacities of the cinematic medium make it a potentially powerful and valuable tool for the mediation of transpersonal experience and perception.

Published in The Journal of Transpersonal Psychology, 2005, Volume 37, Number 1, Pages 9-22.

View and Download the Complete Article at: http://www.markallankaplan.com/text/tpcinema.htm

The Divine Name

There are many different ways in which the Judaic tradition views the idea of the Name of the Divine. On one level, the Divine has no name because the Divine is that which is beyond naming. On another level, the Divine has a name but it is a name not to be spoken; this is called the Tetragrammaton or the four-letter (YHVH) name of the Divine. When this name appears in prayer or in the sacred texts another divine name (Adonai or HaShem) is spoken in its place.

On still another level, there are many names of the Divine; names which seek to comprehend the Divine by naming its attributes, qualities, and the ways in which it relates to humanity and all of creation.

There are Kabbalistic meditative practices for all of these levels of divine naming. Kabbalists have also discovered and constructed additional names of the Divine that are mystical combinations of Hebrew letters related to the Divine. These "Lettered Names" are used in advanced Kabbalistic practices to help the individual practitioner unite with the Divine (see below).

Here is a list of some of the Judaic Names of the Divine and a mystical interpretation of the divine attributes, qualities, and ways of relating they represent. It is said that the reading and speaking of these Divine names can be a powerful spiritual practice in and of itself.

Abir: Strong One.
Adonai: Guardian; Keeper.
Avinu Malkeinu: Patron; Wise Counselor.
Boreh: Creator.
Ehyeh-Asher-Ehyeh: I Am That I Am (Exodus 3:14).
E'in Sof: The Endless; The Infinite (Kabbalistic name of God).
El: The Source; That Which Calls; That Which Invokes.
El De'ot: Source of Knowledge (1 Samuel 2:3).
El Echad: Source of Oneness (Malachi 2:10).
El Elyon: Source Most High (Genesis 14:18).
El Emet: Source of Truth: (Psalm 31:6).
El HaGadol: Source of Greatness (Deuteronomy 10:17).
El HaGibbor: Source of Courage and Strength.
El HaKadosh: Source of Holiness (Isaiah 5:16).
El HaNe'eman: Source of Faithfulness (Deuteronomy 7:9).
El HaShamayim: Source of the Heavens: (Psalm 136:26).
El Olam: Source of Eternity (Genesis 21:33).
El Yeshuati: Source of Salvation (Isaiah 12:2).
El Yisrael: Source of Awakening (Psalm 68:35).
Elah Sh'maya: The Source and Calling of Heaven (Ezra 7:23).
Elah Sh'maya V'Arah: The Source and Calling of Heaven and Earth (Ezra 5:11).
Elah Yerush'lem: The Source of the Vision of Peace (Ezra 7:19).
Elah Yisrael: The Source and Calling of the Awakening Self (Ezra 5:1).
Elohay (or Elohim): Honored One; That which is to be revered.
Elohay Avraham, Elohay Yitzchak ve Elohay Ya`aqov: Honored One of the father of great multitudes, the one who brings laughter, and the one who prevails.
Elohay Kedem: Honored One of the Beginning (Deuteronomy 33:27).
Elohay Mishpat: Honored One of Justice (Isaiah 30:18).
Elohay Selichot: Honored One of Forgiveness: (Nehemiah 9:17).
Elohay Marom: Honored One of Heights: (Micah 6:6).
Elohay Mikarov: The Honored One Who Is Near (Jeremiah 23:23).
Elohay Mauzi: Honored One of Strength (Psalm 43:2).
Elohay Tehilati: Honored One of Praise (Psalm 109:1).
Elohay Yishi: Honored One of Salvation (Psalm 18:47, 25:5).
Elohay Elohim: Honored One of Calling (Deuteronomy 10:17).
Elohim (or Elohay): Honored One; That which is to be revered.
Elohim Kedoshim: Holy Honored One (Leviticus 19:2, Joshua 24:19).
Elohim Chaiyim: Living Honored One (Jeremiah 10:10).
Emet: Truth.
Elyon: The One that is Most High.
HaKaddosh, Baruch Hu: The Holy One, Blessed be.
HaShem: The Name.
Immanu El: The Source who is with us (Isaiah 7:14).
Kaddosh Israel: Holy One of the Awakening Self.
Magen Avraham: Protector of the father of great multitudes.
Makom: The Omnipresent One.
Melech ha-Melachim: Counselor of Counselors.
Ro'eh Yisrael: Guide of the Awakening Self.
Shaddai: Almighty Source of Blessing.
Shekhinah: Divine Presence.
Tzur Israel: Rock of the Awakening Self.
YHVH (Yud-Hey-Vav-Hey): That Which Is and Will be; the Source and Author of Life.
YHVH-Elohim: That Which Is and Will Be Honored (Genesis 2:4).
YHVH-M'kadesh: That Which Makes Holy (Ezekiel 37:28).
YHVH-Nissi: That Which Is and Will Be Our Banner (Exodus 17:8-15).
YHVH-O'saynu: That Which Is and Always Will Be Our Maker (Psalm 95:6).
YHVH-Ra-ah: That Which Is and Will Be My Shepherd (Psalms 23:1).
YHVH-Rapha: That Which Healeth (Exodus 15:26).
YHVH-Shalom: That Which Is and Always Will Be Our Peace (Judges 6:24).
YHVH-Shammah: That Which Is and Always Will Be Present (Ezekiel 48:35).
YHVH-Tsidkenu: That Which Is the Source of Righteousness (Jeremiah 23:6).
YHVH Tzva'ot: That Which Brings All Things Together.
YHVH-Yireh: That Which Will Provide (Genesis 22:13, 14).

And here are some of the Kabbalistic Lettered Names of the Divine used in Judaic mystical practices. These practices include gazing at the Hebrew letters of the Name, repeating the letter sounds or the letter Names like a mantra, and meditating on the hidden patterns of meaning within and between each letter of the Name. (Note that Hebrew is read from right to left)

The Four-Letter Name:
The Tetragrammaton or the Name of that which is Nameless.

Y-H-V-H

(Yud-Hey-Vav-Hey)

The Eight-Letter Name:
The Tetragrammaton interspersed with the word Adonai.

Y-A-H-D-V-N-H-Y

(Yud-Aleph-Hey-Dalit-Vav-Nun-Hey-Yud)

The Ten-Letter Name:
Derived from the first three Sefirot of the Tree of Life; Keter (Crown), Hokhmah (Wisdom), and Binah (Understanding).

K-T-R-Ch-Kh-M-B-Y-N-H

(Kuf-Tav-Resh-Chet-Khaf-Mem-Bet-Yud-Nun-Hey)

The Forteen-Letter Name:
Derived through the transposition of letters of the phrase "Adonai Elohainu Adonai" from the Shema prayer.

Kh-V-Z-V-B-M-V-Kh-S-Z-Kh-V-Z-V

(Khaf-Vav-Zayin-Vav-Bet-Mem-Vav-Khaf-Samech-Zayin-Khaf-Vav-Zayin-Vav)

The Twenty-Two-Letter Name:
Derived from the Priestly Blessing.

A-N-K-T-S-P-S-T-S-P-S-P-S-Y-S-D-Y-V-N-S-Y-S

(Aleph-Nun-Kuf-Tav-Samech-Peh-Samech-Tav-Samech-Peh-Samech-Peh-Samech-Yud-Samech-Dalet-Yud-Vav-Nun-Samech-Yud-Samech)

The Forty-Two-Lettered Name:
Derived from the first 42 letters of the Torah.

A-B-N-Y-T-Ts-K-D-Ay-S-T-N-N-G-D-Y-Kh-S-B-T-D-Ts-T-G-Ch-K-D-T-N-Ay-Y-G-L-P-Z-K-S-K-N-Ts-Y-T

(Aleph-Bet-Nun-Yud-Tav-Tsadi-Kuf-Dalet-Ayin-Shin-Tet-Nun-Nun-Gimmel-Dalet-Yud-Khaf-Shin-Bet-Tet-Dalet-Tsadi-Tav-Gimmel-Chet-Kuf-Dalet-Tet-Nun-Ayin-Yud-Gimmel-Lamed-Peh-Zayin-Kuf-Shin-Kuf-Nun-Tsadi-Yud-Tav)

The Seventy-Two Lettered Name:
Derived from three verses in Exodus (14:19-21); each of the verses contains 72 letters, and when combined they form 72 names.

*Originally published on KabbalahBlog hosted by Enlightenment.com

The Awakening Self

The Hebrew word Yisrael, or Israel, has been used in the Judaic tradition as a label for the Judaic "tribe" as a whole, and for the land that the tradition has held as sacred.

The name Yisrael was first used in Genesis 32 in the story of Jacob wrestling with a "stranger" from Heaven. In this story Jacob is at a crossroads in his life and he heads off alone in the middle of the night and ends up wrestling with a divine force in order to receive a blessing. This blessing finally was given to Jacob in the form of a new name, Yisrael.

This name has several mystical meanings that all relate to the process described in the story (Gordis, 1995). These definitions include: One who wrestles or struggles with the Divine; one who yearns for the Divine; the song of the Divine; and the Awakening Self (the Self that struggles to awaken to it's true oneness with the Divine).

A mystical translation of this biblical story reveals the archetypal psycho-spiritual pattern of our struggle to awaken to our true Self and the Divine:

In the middle of the night Jacob arose

and sent his loved ones and all his possessions

across the river of struggles.

Jacob remained alone.

A stranger appeared and wrestled with him

until the break of day.

The stranger saw that Jacob was strong in faith

and touched the hollow of Jacob's thigh,

causing a great strain.

The stranger said:

"Let me leave for the dawn is breaking."

Jacob told the stranger:

"I will not let go until I am blessed."

The stranger replied:

"Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,

the one who strives to awaken

and know the truth of the Divine."

Jacob asked the stranger's name.

The stranger replied:

"Why do you seek my name?"

He then blessed Jacob.

Jacob named the place Divine Face and said:

"I have seen the Divine face to face,

and my soul has withstood it."

The sun rose and was shinning on him

as he continued on his way.

- Genesis 32:23-32

REFERENCES

Gordis, D. (1995). God was not in the fire. New York: Scribner.

*Image: Jacob wrestling with the Angel of God

*Originally published on KabbalahBlog hosted by Enlightenment.com

Prayer for the Festivals of Light

The rebirth of the life-generating and life-sustaining sun
at the darkest moment of the seasons;
The oil of an ancient temple lamp burning beyond its limit;
A shining star in a dark sky illuminating the way;
The light of mercy revealed through prayer and devotion;
The guiding light of seven principles arising from the heart of
the Dark Continent.
This is the season of The Festivals of Light...
The Winter Solstice,
Chanukah,
Christmas,
Ramadan,
Kwanzaa
In the darkness of this Winter
during these terror filled and challenging times;
May we all find the light in darkness,
faith amidst struggle,
rebirth following change and loss,
and virtue and devotion in the face of great challenge.

Published in: Beben, M. T. (2002). New Wine: More Eucharistic Liturgies for 21st Century Small Faith Communities. Boulder, CO: Woven Word Press.

The Love of Wisdom

This year I graduated with my doctorate. As I prepared for graduation I struggled with the shift from perceiving myself as a student, to perceiving myself as a Ph.D., a Doctor of Philosophy. The self-construct of being a student was so ingrained in me that it was difficult to transcend.

I decided to look up the root meanings of the words doctor and philosophy. I discovered that the English word doctor comes from the Latin doctor, meaning "teacher;” and that the word philosophy comes from the Latin philosophia, meaning, “love of knowledge or wisdom."

When I combined these terms and realized that the phrase Doctor of Philosophy could be translated as Teacher of the Love of Wisdom, I had a visceral breakthrough in my self-perception. I recognized that I was holding onto the idea that being a Ph.D. meant that I had to be a master of knowledge and wisdom. To be honest, I surely did not feel like a master yet. But when I considered the idea that a Ph.D. degree was actually calling to be a "teacher of the love of wisdom," I found myself being able to hold that role easily within my heart and mind.

Indeed, on my journey toward my doctorate, I had grown to love wisdom and the journey of seeking it, and that I believe I can teach...I cannot teach wisdom, but I can teach the love of it, or at least try to share the love I have for the path of wisdom.

The Experience of Divine Guidance

Announcing the publication of...

The Experience of Divine Guidance: A Qualitative Study of the Human Endeavor to Seek, Receive, and Follow Guidance from a Perceived Divine Source

By Mark Allan Kaplan, Ph.D. 

ABSTRACT

This research study examined the experience of seeking, receiving, and following guidance from a perceived source of divine wisdom. Nine advanced spiritual teachers (5 men and 4 women) from 7 spiritual traditions participated as coresearchers in this study. Coresearchers were North American or European born, predominantly Caucasian, California (USA) residents between the ages of 52 and 74. Coresearcher participation consisted of individual semistructured in-depth interviews. The questions and topics of discussion used for the interviews were developed through a process of researcher heuristic and spiritual self-inquiry. The results of a grounded-theory-based qualitative content analysis of the interview transcripts suggested that the experience of divine guidance, as measured in the current study, is characterized by a common structuring of the experience that includes general categories, factors, and patterns which appear to manifest into various particular and contextual forms depending on the individual person, event, and circumstance. The reported common structures of the experience included: The perception of a divine source of guidance; the experience of seeking, receiving , and following guidance from this perceived source; and various contributing, impeding, developmental , and mediating factors . Additionally, each coresearcher reported a unique metaphor of divine encounter that appeared to give them an archetypal and visceral way of describing and holding the experience. The researcher appeared to experience each of the coresearcher's metaphors of divine encounter through some kind of resonant learning or mimicking process. A Guidance Experience Template, Guidance Experience Evaluation Checklist, and Synthesized Guidance Practice were developed as aids to counselors, practitioners, and researchers exploring the experience of divine guidance. The findings of this study, and the development and implementation of guidance-related applications in this research, may advance the understanding of this common and historically significant human experience, and offer a valuable contribution to the fields of transpersonal psychology, spiritual guidance, and spiritual psychology.

Proquest Dissertations And Theses 2005.  462 pages; [Ph.D. dissertation].United States -- California: Institute of Transpersonal Psychology; 2005. Publication Number: AAT 3174544.

Index terms (keywords): Divine guidance, Guidance, Spirituality, Religious experience, Transpersonal psychology

Source: DAI-B 66/05, p. 2855, Nov 2005

Source type: DISSERTATION

Subjects: Developmental psychology, Religion, Theology

ISBN: 0542126788

The Divine Orchard

I have traveled through a long dark night of the soul. As I emerge from this sacred time of exploration and wonder, I am still unable to fully understand it, yet I can share that I feel as though I have traveled through the Divine Orchard that the Kabbalists speak of…

The following is my own mystical interpretation of the famous passage of the “Four Who Entered the Divine Orchard” from the Babylonian Talmud (Hagigah 14b):

Four seekers entered the Divine Orchard. The first seeker said to the others: “When you reach the stones of marble, do not speak the words: 'water, water'...for it is said: 'You that speaketh falsehood shall not be established before my eyes.'” The second seeker gazed and died. Of this seeker it is said: “Precious in the sight of the Divine is the transcendence of physical form.” The third seeker gazed and was stricken with Holy Madness. Of this seeker it is said: “Hast thou found the sweetness? Consume that which is sufficient, or be filled to overflowing.” And the fourth seeker cut down the shoots in renunciation. In the end, only the first seeker departed in peace.

• The first seeker sees the truth behind form, and leaves in peace.


• The second seeker gazes at the Divine and loses body, for one cannot gaze upon that which is formless without losing form.


• The third seeker gazes at the Divine and loses mind, for one cannot gaze upon that which is beyond thought without losing thought.


• The fourth seeker gazes at the Divine and loses heart, for one cannot gaze upon that which is beyond love and fear without losing all attachment.

During my journey into the orchard, I felt all four forms of seeking within me: At times I felt as though I was going to die, and at other times I felt as though I was transcending my constructs of the physical universe; At times I thought I was losing my mind, and at other times I felt a loosening of my mental constructs; At times I felt myself losing heart and faith, and at other times I felt a loosening of my emotional attachments; and throughout the process I felt a soft whispering presence holding me and showing me the way through the orchard’s maze of truth and illusion.

REFERENCES

Louis Jacobs. Jewish Mystical Testimonies. New York: Schocken Books, 1997.

Gershom Scholem. Jewish Gnosticism, Merkavah Mysticism, and Talmudic Tradition. New York: Jewish Theological Seminary of America, 1960.

Isidore Epstein. The Soncino Press Babylonian Talmud: Ta’anith/Megillah/Hagigah. Brooklyn, NY: The Soncino Press, 2001.

*Originally published on KabbalahBlog hosted by Enlightenment.com

Darkness

“Darkness covered the face of the deep.”
- Genesis 1:2

Before there was light, the EIN SOF withdrew itself (Zimzum) from one place and created a void. This void made a space for the EIN SOF OR, Eternal Light, to enter. This void was the darkness that covered the face of the deep.

Before there could be light, there needed to be darkness through which it could shine and penetrate. This is the foundation for the dualistic nature of the world of creation, out of which all other dualities unfold...light and dark, earth and sky, masculine and feminine, yin and yang, and love and fear.

This darkness is not just the absence of light, it is the boundary between form and formlessness, and it is also the spiritual darkness that descends upon us as we struggle to touch the light of the Divine.

I have experienced this spiritual darkness many times. I am immersed in a spiritual darkness at this very moment. This darkness has lasted a long time and began after writing my last entry about the Eternal Light. The writing of the entry and several other processes in my life and spiritual practice converged and I experienced an extended experience of "light" which was then followed by a descent into darkness.

Through my experiences of light and darkness I have come to realize that after a period of closeness or nearness to the Divine light, I often experience a period of disconnection or desolation in which I seem to loose touch with the Divine, and the light and love of the Divine appears to be replaced by an experience darkness (or a Dark Night of the Soul). This darkness is like a cloud of unknowing that surrounds me and fills my being.

For years I perceived these dark times as a withdrawal of the Divine presence, but I have learned that from the Kabbalistic perspective, one can actually perceive this darkness as a sign of a greater nearness to the Divine. From this perspective, as we approach the Divine through intent and practice, we move through many layers of body, mind and spirit until we reach the light, then we enter that dark void between the light and the EIN SOF, which is actually the closest we can be to the Divine without giving up our physical form.

Now that I hold these times of darkness as times of nearness to the Divine, my entire experience of the dark times is very different. I surrender into the unknowingness and feel a sense of grace and blessing. I become aware that there are forces beyond my perception moving deep within, unearthing and dissolving the barriers I have between myself and the Divine. In this way darkness covers the face of the deep within me and reveals the hidden Divine face.

"I will come to you in a cloud of thick darkness,
that you may come near to me
and hear when I speak with you..."
- Exodus 19:9

"Clouds and darkness surround the Divine Presence"
- Psalm 97:2

"The Divine Presence makes darkness Its hiding place"
-Psalms 189:12

*Image: Divine Cloud over Mt. Sinai

*Originally published on KabbalahBlog hosted by Enlightenment.com

God in Drag

"It's all God in Drag!" I first heard this phrase from Ram Dass while attending one of his spiritual retreats. All of us laughed deeply when he delivered the phrase with his perfect spirtual/comic timing. I laughed so hard I almost cried while the ripples of my laughter mixed with the chills of feeling like I was hearing a profound truth.

Over the years this phrase has often helped me to surrender into the Divine Flow of life by reminding me that whatever is happening is perfect as it is and I just need to be fully present to it.

So many times in my life I have been re-minded of this truth. So many times I have had experiences that seemed bad, horrible and/or traumatic, only to find out over time that they were part of a greater arc of experience that almost always brought about growth and blessing.

At that same spiritual retreat Ram Dass expanded on this idea of "It's all God in drag" by telling the following story:

There once was a rancher who had a beautiful stallion. He loved this stallion and pampered it with love and attention. One day there was a great storm and the stallion broke free and ran off into the mountains. The rancher and his family all sat around the hearth and bemoaned their bad fortune. The old grandfather merely sat in the corner and whispered a soft and whimsical: "ah-so."

Three days later, after the storm had passed, the stallion returned. As he galloped into the coral, three wild horses followed him. The rancher and his family were overjoyed at their good fortune. Of course, Grandpa just smiled and said "ah-so."

The ranchers' eldest son asked if he could learn to break in one of the wild horses. His father began to teach his son, when all of a sudden the wild horse threw the son across the coral. The son broke his hip and laid in bed in dire pain. The family huddled around, grumbling about the great misfortune. Grandpa gently held the boy's hand and whispered once again…"ah-so."

The next day a great army came to the village and took all able-bodied young men. The ranchers' son was spared. All eyes looked to the grandfather, who just smiled wisely and said…"ah-so."

Ah-so...Oh-Gee...It's all God in Drag!

Divine Flow

Many years ago, while I was backpacking through Europe, I began to notice myself falling into two distinct patterns of experience. One pattern seemed to consist of periods in which everything flowed smoothly. Things would unfold effortlessly and seemed to work out perfectly. I would meet people who would point me in the right direction where I would in turn meet others. I would have the sense that I was in the right place at the right time and that there was a grand intelligence guiding me. All the elements of my life and the life of those I met seemed to be in some kind of beautiful synchronized orbit held together by some strange unseen force ... and life felt rich and full of "original gravity."

Then, suddenly, I would find myself in another pattern of experience. Everything seemed to go wrong, and I was out of the flow. I sensed that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Places I wanted to see would be closed or inaccessible. People seemed distant and cold. I felt isolated and alone. Every step was an effort, and I felt out of synch with everyone and everything.

Slowly I began to realize that there were certain thoughts and perceptions that seemed to precipitate and support these two different patterns of experience. A surrendering of my plans, expectations, and past memories preceded the periods in which I experienced a sense of flow and effortlessness. During these periods of flow I would tend to be totally in the present moment. I seemed to naturally accept things and people as they were. The periods in which I experienced everything being out of balance seemed to coincide with planning, expectations, and/or following a past idea, suggestion, or desire. A flood of past memories and future concerns also marked these times.

The qualities of my flow experiences were very similar to those described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi in his writings on flow (1990; 1993; 1997). These qualities include the loss of self-consciousness, a sense of being part of some greater entity, and an altered sense of time (Csikszentmihalyi, 1993). This experience of flow is "... like being carried away by a current, everything moving smoothly without effort" (Csikszentmihalyi, 1993, p. xiii).

At first I tried to manipulate myself into having these flow experiences, but that only seemed to send me farther into the other experience. I began to see that each pattern of experience was related to the other. My periods of flow seemed to come from the surrender produced by the culmination of the frustration of the "out of the flow" experiences.

When I finally surrendered to the whole process the rest of my journey was filled with miracles and blessings. I felt guided at every step by a loving and compassionate force beyond my comprehension. Though I had explored spirituality and caught glimpses of this force prior to my trip, none of my previous experiences compared with the combined depth, magnitude, duration, and everyday integration of my experiences in Europe.

When I returned from my trip overseas I was unable to retain my deep and continual connection with this force, yet somehow I felt as though I had awakened from a deep unknown sleep. Everything seemed different; old familiar people, places, and experiences had a different quality to them. It was as though my center of gravity had shifted.

It is a disturbance of the equilibrium of the self, which results in the shifting of the field of consciousness from lower to higher levels, with a consequent removal of the centre of interest from the subject to an object now brought into view: the necessary beginning of any process of transcendence. (Underhill, 1961, p. 176)

Before my journey, my life was centered on career and finding romantic love, with short excursions into the realm of spirituality. After my experiences in Europe, the center of my life seemed to shift toward becoming the best human being I could become, and to find a way of reconnecting with the experience of Divine Flow. I began to explore, more deeply and earnestly, the world's spiritual and religious systems for knowledge and practices that could aid in my journey. And ultimately, I was lead to a process of self-reflection and self-inquiry to deepen my quest to understand this strange and wondrous experience of being in the Divine Flow.

*Excerpt from Original Gravity: A Personal Narrative Theology Inquiry into the Experience of Seeking, Receiving, and Following Divine Guidance by Mark Allan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Cosmic Dance

Renewal by Csuri


When I integrate
the different levels
of my inner and outer life,
I enter into a glorious and miraculous
cosmic dance,
in harmony with
all that is within
and all that is without,
from the tiniest atom
to the greatest
expanse of the universe,
I am held and impelled
by an original gravity,
a force of ancient origin
and of a continually
unfolding newness,
unique and original,
and together,
you and I
and all of creation
are balanced,
integrated,
and complete,
at home
in orbit
around the sphere
of all being-ness.

First Taste

Many years ago I traveled to London for the first time and met a sixty-year-old British postal worker in the Duke of Wellington Pub in Soho.

He bought me a glass of barley wine and told me it had a very good original gravity.

I asked him what he meant by original gravity.

He explained that it was the British method of expressing the strength of a beer.

He winked and said I should always make sure I’m partaking of strong original gravity.

As he spoke these words he seemed to momentarily transform from an intoxicated postal worker into a sparkling-eyed mystic.

In my mind, the phrase original gravity blossomed into a metaphor for living life to its fullest, and over the years it has become the catch phrase for the state of being I aspire to attain in my life and through my work in creative expression, education, spirituality, research and healing.

*Excerpt from Original Gravity: A Personal Narrative Theology Inquiry into the Experience of Seeking, Receiving, and Following Divine Guidance by Mark Allan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Original Gravity

Original Gravity, as I have come to use it, refers to that original force that attracts and holds all things together: It is Michael Murphy’s true gravity, "…a universal force, an ethical imperative, and an overwhelming spiritual experience…the omnipresent "heart power" or "feeling-force" that permeates all things" (Murphy, 1972); it is Ken Wilber’s Spirit-in-action, the Eros "…that moves through you and me, urging us to include, to diversify, to honor, to enfold" (Wilber, 2000); and it is Jean Gebser’s inner commission that points beyond us and is the driving force behind all healing and transformation, and the evolution of consciousness,

Whichever way we may live, we need to remember that we are also lived by an authority or a power for which there are many names. And, above all, we must remember one thing, namely that whichever way we live, we follow, whether we know it or not, an inner commission that points beyond us. – Jean Gebser (Feuerstein, 1987)

This "Divine" inner commission is the guiding force behind the "next manifesting Phase" (Murphy, 1972) of our personal, cultural, and social evolution; it is the guiding force within the evolution of consciousness; and it is the guiding force that I seek within every aspect of my life.

Answering the Call of Stuttering: The Story of the Making of Voice in Exile

 Voice in Exile (1984)

Back in the mid-8Os, I was invited to attend the premier of a 30-minute film on stuttering that was written, directed, and produced by Mark Allan Kaplan, a graduate student at the American Film Institute. It was a remarkable accomplishment in many ways, especially in how concisely it captured the essence of the stuttering experience. The fact that it was created by a student made it even more remarkable. Since then, Voice in Exile has had hundreds of screenings... on Cable Television, at National Stuttering Association chapters, and in schools across the country. No film better communicates to the non-stuttering world what many of us have gone through; and yet, the story is uplifting and transcendent.

– John Harrison, National Stuttering Association

It was the fall of 1979 and my junior year at the University of Southern California. Professor Barbara Myerhoff entered the classroom, and began to teach us about personal and social anthropology, myths, and dreams. During one of the classes, Professor Myerhoff introduced us to the world of the Shaman, the indigenous holy person, or medicine man (or women). She explained to us that the shaman was the “expert of the injured soul” who has been called on by the spirits to heal themselves and others. This call often came in the form of a sickness that the shaman-elect would have to cure themselves of with the aid of helping spirits. Once they cured themselves by traveling between the waking world and the world of the spirits, they would have the ability to help others.

After the lecture, Professor Myerhoff asked me to walk with her back to her office. She said she was touched by my personal journal entries about my stuttering. Her voice softened to almost a whisper as she told me that it was believed that stuttering was one of the major afflictions that the spirits used to call someone to the shaman’s path. Professor Myerhoff smiled, and told me that after reading my personal writings, getting to know me in person, and being deeply moved by my films, she believed I was being called by spirit through my stuttering to heal myself and to help others.

At first I was just sort of numb. I thanked her for her insights as she went into her office. I walked around campus for a while in a daze and ended up in the courtyard of the Philosophy building. As I stared into the bubbling water of the circular fountain in the center of the gothic courtyard, my whole perception of my self began to shift. I had always seen my stuttering as this horrible and crippling handicap. Now, as I began to think of my stuttering as a challenge for change and growth from some higher or deeper source, a heaviness seemed to lift from around my heart.

Inspired by my experiences with Professor Myerhoff and my exposure to shamanism, I began to ask within for a direction or purpose. A while later, during a film project evaluation, one of my film professors said that he believed my stuttering had made me a great filmmaker. He explained that because words were so hard for me that I had found a way of speaking visually with great depth and power. Looking back at my life, I suddenly saw my creative endeavors into drawing, painting, architecture, still photography, and film as part of a great archetypal quest to communicate with others beyond the realm of the spoken word. Not long after this encounter, I received the inspiration to create a dramatic film based on my own experiences and perceptions as a stutterer. The making of this film would be a vision quest into the depths of my own psyche to uncover and share what it felt like to be a person who stutters. I sensed that the process of making this film could be healing for myself and for others, and a culmination of my creative quest to communicate.

As I began to work on the story, the idea of creating a shamanic subplot emerged. The story would be about a young stutterer who would face his fears with the help of his grandfather, a retired anthropology professor specializing in shamanism. His journey would include the waking world, dreams, symbols, and archetypes.

After graduating from USC, I attended the American Film Institute (AFI) to continue developing my craft, and to supply a creative container for the making of this film. One day the title for the film came to me in a dream. I saw myself on a lone runway. I opened my mouth to scream, but there were steel bars in my mouth. I woke up with the title: Voice in Exile.

After the first year at the AFI, I returned to my childhood home in Chicago, Illinois and spent the summer writing the screenplay for Voice in Exile. The familiar surroundings of my childhood aided in the unearthing of the emotional and psychological memories needed for the story. This entire process felt like a dream. As I descended into the darkness of my unconscious, the world around me seemed supportive and gentle. It felt as though the world was holding its breath while I journeyed within. A black bird became the helping spirit in my story in parallel with my seeing large black crows following me wherever I would go. They seemed to be my helping spirits, both within my story and in my waking life, telling me I was on the right track.

After completing the first draft of the script I returned to school, and began the process of making the film. I met with the Los Angeles chapter of the National Stuttering Association to deepen my research for the final draft of the script. This was my first group encounter with fellow stutterers and as I became aware of our shared reality, I had a deep sense of tribal homecoming. After completing the final script, we began pre-production, which included casting the actors and preparing them for the shoot. This was the beginning of my quest to train an actor to stutter. At first it was merely a mechanical process, working on the physical process of stuttering. Then came the journey into the psyche of the stutterers mind, my mind. I learned so much about my self from this process that I am still in awe of it.

Weeks later we began to shoot the film but the production process was fraught with turbulence and confusion. Communication problems arose at every turn. My mind seemed to be waging a war within me – part of me wanted to share my truths, and another part of me was terrified. Everyone who worked on the film seemed to be caught in the energy of some form of communication challenge.

When principal photography was finished, I was exhausted and burnt out. I went up to San Francisco to work with my composer, and he suggested I go to Esalen Institute in Big Sur for some rest. Driving down the California coast was calming. I drove along the winding road south of Big Sur looking for Esalen, hoping that it would be before the spot where the coast road had been closed for the past year because of storm damage. Up ahead, I saw the signs announcing that the coast road was still closed. I stopped at the roadblock, and asked a construction worker when the road would be open. He smiled and said, “Right now, you’re the first to get through.” He waved and the crew lifted the barrier. As I drove past the construction site I couldn’t help feeling as though I were being divinely guided.

I drove for a while, and finally found Esalen. Driving down the steep incline into the property, I felt an incredible sense of belonging. Even though I had never been there before, it seemed deeply familiar, like a long lost home. I went to the office and asked if they had any vacancies. They told me that I was lucky because there was only one opening left.

After checking in, I walked around the grounds in a daze, wondering what was happening to me. I found my way to the dining room, and sat at a small table by myself, eating my food, and surveying the colorful crowd. A middle aged Native American woman approached and asked if she could join me. I said sure. She smiled warmly and sat down. Looking deeply into my eyes, she told me that she was a shaman and could tell that I had just been through a very powerful creative experience that was chaotic and painful. She continued, saying that communication was the central theme. At this point, I could only stare in dismay. The woman proceeded to tell me that the creative endeavor was successful, despite the confusing nature of the experience. She told me I needed to replenish my energy by resting my body, following my intuition, and doing only what I felt like doing.

Later that evening I floated in the mineral baths under the stars wondering if I was dreaming and if my journey to share the inner life of a stutterer would have value. In the darkness beside me, a man and woman were having a conversation. The woman stuttered as she told the man “… if y-you c-could o-o-only kn-now how it fffeels.” Tears came to my eyes as the hot water penetrated my pores and her words cut through the darkness miraculously answering my hearts question.

Feeling rested and renewed, I returned to Los Angeles and finished the film. We premiered the film, and it was a great success. Stutterers and non-stutterers said they were deeply moved. The studios called me for private screenings, power lunches, and meetings. The film won many awards, and was shown at festivals across the country. Amidst all this, I was asked to show the film and speak at a national convention for the National Stuttering Association. As I stood before the crowd of several hundred stutterers, I felt like the shaman who had gone on a vision quest, and was now bringing it back to share with the tribe. I was truly overwhelmed by the response. Stutterers, their spouses, and their families expressed their gratitude for the healing the film brought into their lives.

My vision quest was complete, yet it seemed as though my journey was just beginning. I thought I would feel whole and healed, but I felt empty and naked. All my fears were exposed to the light, the trappings of fame and fortune seemed hollow, and the person I thought I was seemed like an illusion. I left Hollywood in search of my self and to continue my quest to heal my stuttering. I traveled to distant lands, explored the rituals and practices of many spiritual traditions, and became a student of eastern and western psychology. I have lived through many crises of the heart, the mind, and the spirit, as well as many physical challenges including poor health, bankruptcy and near homelessness.

During this strange and wondrous adventure I have learned how to love and how to live more fully. With the completion of “Voice in Exile” my quest to communicate through other forms beyond the spoken word shifted to a quest to find my own voice and to help others find theirs. As I look back on my journey, I feel a deep sense of gratitude for the gift of both the blessings and challenges along the way, for they all conspired toward my growth. I have discovered that stuttering can be a call to awaken and to heal the self and others; I have discovered that for true healing to occur we must work on all levels of ourselves: Body, mind, heart and spirit; and I have discovered that the journey is all there is and it is endless.

*Originally Published in Letting Go: The Monthly Publication of the National Stuttering Association, May/June, 1-10, 2002